I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
