Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
