I wannas sexs uuuuu
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
