She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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