I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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