News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
