dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
