peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
