How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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