he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
