how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
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he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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