i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
