There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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