So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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