She's JV to your varsity
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I touched a dick in church today
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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