it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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