So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Randomize
