how can u be prego again
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
