And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
