He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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