There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
