i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
