I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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