i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
