I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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