Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
