I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
