I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
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Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
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He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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