i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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