someone get that fucking seahorse.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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