To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize