Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
