ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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