Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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