I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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