I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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