he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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