So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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