Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We are two peas in an std pod
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
