it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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