Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
