I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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