Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think i got beer on your cat.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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