Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
