miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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