The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Blood and glitter go together right?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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