Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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