He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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