My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize