Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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