we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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