i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
