I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
