is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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