I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
