My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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