She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
