You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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