Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
