I think I died a long time ago.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Randomize
