I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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