I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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