Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
