WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
