Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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