My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
