6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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