she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
