Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
