bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I know her cup size but not her name....
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
