Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
