YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
