so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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