pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
