Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
