I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
