I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
