Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
