I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
