I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
