I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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