he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
