It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
