I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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