it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
