i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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