Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
