He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
