drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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