she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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