I accidentally burped into my bong.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
