Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
